Buy Purple Saturn Day Cheaper!

Welcome athletes! Upon this great day of joy, celebration, and meaning, this glorious Day of Purple Dawning, the launching of a new year on Saturn, the Supreme Gem of the Sky, we native Saturnians bid to you alien athletes who desire to participate in and of course perhaps win the events created to honor our great Being Exxos for giving us this new day, new year, new victor—welcome!

In this psychedelic sci-fi Olympiad, athletes from planets across the galaxy gather to compete in the Purple Saturn Day games. Four interplanetary events await:

• The Ring Pursuit: race a frenzied flight around the splendid rings of Saturn, meteors threatening at every turn. Scoring is based not just on speed, but in navigating the course’s turns more accurately than your opponents.
  
• The Tronic Slider: when the energy ball bursts, competitors pilot sliders speeding and rebounding off of obstacles and each other in a rush to capture the most energy fragments.
  
• The Brain Bowler: solve a fast-moving electronic puzzle of resistors, gates, and electronic channels as you and your competitor seek to control each other’s minds.
  
• The Time Jump: Pilot a ship into the future by capturing energy sparks to fuel your gravity-catapult and explode through time. The more sparks you captured, the further you plunge through mind-altering visions of space-time contraction.

Master these challenges for the chance to be graced by the queen of Saturn herself – a prize highly valued by all life forms for its universally euphorious sensation.